im dead later in the morning, with projects untouch.
but after next wk, I cant be pretty much alive bcos its the end of school.
Hvnt been so indecisive before, nt knowing what comes next.

19th

Wht if I suddenly die?

I will be happy, bcos there’s no one day u live without me.

Nlvl 2006?

the feeling was like sitting in the hall waiting for my turn to get my results

but im @ my room staring at my phone, heart beating twice as much as his.

October on 2010

It’s incredible how thing changes in a month.

At one moment, I see how clearly death is indeed a step away from us.

I must admit that I am still thinking of those days when my grandmother was still with us, all the hospital visits, all the chatting and everything that happened within that four months. When I am still trying to hold back my tears and get over her death, my ah gong too, left us on one Friday night two weeks ago.

I was shocked, I was stunned, I had all the negative emotions on my face that following morning. Maybe Adel was right, his will to live on was weak because my grandfather has nothing worth here for him to stay. He would rather meet his wife on the other side of us, than to live with the never-ending injections and pain. His decision to leave us, might be very sudden but I guess he was doing the very right thing.

It was really saddening, from talking to them holding onto the hearing aid to now, with a josstick. From greeting them and hear a response with a smile to now, greeting them on the photo and will never hear them again.

That day I lose her

It has been a long time, until I manage to pluck up my courage and start this post. I didnt knew I have to write all these so soon, I cannot stop thinking of those days we were busy in and out of the hospital. I still cannot believe all these has became a reality.

I walked the longest memory lane, infront of me was her in the coffin. We should be happy knowing that she is one fortunate lady with so many of us who loved her like how she used to love us. She left us, to a better place with no more pain and sufferings. She would look at us no longer on her bed, but on top of us and guide us.

She is now a powerful lady again; mighty and full of power like she used to be.

Till the next time I meet you ma ma, you will always be in my heart.

good thing always come to an end, vice versa not.

few days back marked the end of my mp/sip. this was fast, really. thought of those days whereby we were still looking for the right project to wrk for and it seems like they happened only yesterday.

the whole of mp, which lasted for about half a yr taught me a lot. not exactly technically but as a whole project working in a team. we used to work in twos or even in group of five, but nvr in group of besties. We got different views, different perception just like some other teams. But during those times, I feel I learnt more about us. Guess those tears and laughters were all worth it, somehow.

recently i’ve been a regular to the hospital. first my grandmother who will be admitting back to sgh anytime soon. then my grandfather, few days back was my dad’s. and now, i feel my hand slowly dont belong to me.

I wish to

Daddy says

mus as well stay at home.

While waiting for soccer to start @ ten, despite the noisy living rm i hv nw; there are so many thoughts flying into my mind.

first up, school’s mp. upon knowing we hv lesser time left bcos of yog this yr, and we hv not much progress yet. school is so bland, same procedure same people same software and worst still pr1 is next wk.

secondly, ‘m so bothered about whts next after diploma. It’s either I choose to continue my studies with an eight yrs bond or I join the wrkforce and officially start my adult’s mundane life. Eight yrs bond sounds scary but workforce sounds even scarier, haha.

next, my p/t job is nt doing well. Im like earning less than three digit in a month. I cant choose to leave bcos I knew after this sem, when timetable gets more flexible, this job will then suits me perfectly. So I ought to endure the pathetic earnings for approximately two more months.

last thing, which though I dont really feel like mentioning it again but because it really ruin my mood. When I see their faces, I feel they are scary people. I dont want to know what are they really thinking, I dont know is it me who happens to think too much, or whatever it is. I seriously dont feel Im part of this self-portrait wonderful family. Its so hurting to see, everything I once thought is perfect is actually an illusion of mine.